Daily Meditation with the Inner Child

Sixteen years ago, I was slammed by a memory of sexual abuse. I was only three years old when the incest started, and I repressed the memories to survive in my family. After I remembered, I absolutely had to dedicate myself to caring for my wounded, sad Inner Child and healing her. Her feelings were so overwhelming that I developed a practice of sitting every morning with her before I went off to work.

Ever since then, I’ve been caring for my Inner Child—learning to listen to her and nurture her.  I needed to let her know that I believed her and I that would always be there, the strong Inner Adult (Big Jane). I wrote about this journey of healing in my memoir, The River of Forgetting.

Now I’m at a place of peace about the abuse. It should never have happened, it was wrong, my father was a selfish man, but it doesn’t rule my life. Still, I am drawn to care for this inner child, or these inner children. Every morning without fail I sit for 20 minutes and listen. It has become integrated into my spiritual life.

This morning, for example, my inner children were agitated, busy, full of idea of things to do. I smiled and rocked in my rocking chair, holding their anxious energy and letting the quiet of my living room envelop us. Other days my little girls bring sadness or excitement or love or fear about relationships. All those feelings are welcome. As I sit and let them be, I find peace again. Insights and understandings come, but the main thing is to be there and be open.


markh said...

Today i was so proud of my little boy; he was crying tears, not painfull tears, not upset tears; just tears! I told him he was so clever for being able to do that! let them go, let them run, dont hold them in, dont stifle them; be free! He's such a clever little fella! i am delighted and proud of him, let them roll my precious!

I'd been singing along to a CD in the car on the way home from counselling this evening, its a Larry Norman CD and its brilliant, and so profound, and many of the words were full of power, i couldnt help it, and i didnt want to help it i just let it all happen! Beautifull tears!

Jane Rowan said...

You rock, Little Mark! Such sweet things tears are. Have fun, the both of you.

Anonymous said...

Your book is a wonderfull work, such an inspiration, thank you for sharing this with me, many parts of it have spoken to me, and as i read it more, i find new things!
Merry Christmas and a happy new year in 2012 Jane, from mark!

markh said...

I am learning to sit each day listening for little mark, we're doing mindfullness, breathing and relaxation techniques so that after the festive period we can start looking at the deeper issues, but having a picture of me when i was three on the monitor as wallpaper is helping me a great deal.

Jane Rowan said...

Mark, I am so glad that my book is helpful. I think you mean the memoir, The River of Forgetting, that you are reading now? Yes, I wanted to write it to show Inner Child work right there in daily life--the ups and downs and crises and openings. How the pain of abuse and betrayal can transform and our lives can change.

Good for you for all the work you are doing! We carry on in community.

markh. said...

Hi Jane, yes i meant the memoir, wonderfull book; its been an inspiration to me and i'm delighted to tell you that my little one has been communicating with me the past few nights, i have been rewarded for my patience, as he has trusted me with small things, which i am able to process, i honour him, what a terrific little guy!
He reminded me of three different things to do with our childhood and each one was precious, as it showed our nature even as a little boy, and that he feels that we were totally innocent in most of them but still, people took advantage of our good nature even then. I know exactly how he feels!
Mark and Little Mark, wish you and your little ones a very merry christmas! enjoy yourselves Jane, love markh.

Jane Rowan said...

Mark, so glad you and the little guy are getting along that way. Isn't it wonderful to feel the connection? I am totally delighted that my memoir helped in your process.

Merry Christmas to you and Little Mark

markh. said...

It was the part in the book where you were talking to Sarah about not having many friends, and she told you that your responsibility/priority was to work on your relationship with little Jane; thats what struck the first chord for me, i am in the same boat, i dont have many friends and not much of a support structure just yet, and i has said probably the very same thing to my counsellor before now; the part in the book got me started on it, and i made a point of talking to him every day at the same time. Three weeks later he trusted me with the first one, and i was delighted! Your memoir is a work of art Jane. The second one was when later in the book Sarah says that taking your time is a virtue; that showed me that slowing my life's pace a bit was absolutely right! Now i can start to take my time on my journey, it'll be much more profound and meaningfull that way! It cannot be rushed. Once again thanks for your memoir Jane. I hope it helps many more than just me, and i am pretty sure it does and will!

kindest regards, Markh.

Jane Rowan said...

I'm so glad you wrote to tell me specific things that spoke to you. Indeed, befriending ourselves, our young selves, is so important. (And even spiritual teachers often emphasize that we need compassion for ourselves first if our compassion for others is to be deep and real.)

And taking our time, yes. My therapist Sarah says the slower the work , the deeper the healing. So glad you are taking your time.
Happy New Year!

markh. said...

Y'know; i hadnt realised it, but i have actually built a GOOD relationship with my little me, and its great! Its like having a whole family of little me's! Its getting to a paralel with your little Janes, but i have got BIG mark quite yet; there's a way to go just yet!
All of my poetry, i am going to copy to a new file called My Journey, because they all seem to run on to the next one, started out with looking at me and what was done to me, going through to breaking the silence, and into looking for little Mark, then finding him, and his response, followed by one we did together called "I love you; I love YOU too"! Its like a poetic duet! I cant wait to see what comes next! but its like a journey in itself! Its what my Journal would consist of! A book of a poetic Journey!

Your memoir has opened my eyes to the possibilities in my inner child work! It is fantastic! we share much you and I; i wish others reading your memoir can learn to see for themselves the possibilities in their journeys!

A very Happy New Year Jane and all your Janes; from Mark and all the little Marks!
All the very best for 2012!

Jane Rowan said...

Dear Marks, little and big,
So great to hear that the inner child work is proceeding with joy and excitement. There does come a time when the joy starts growing, and I hear that in you.

Happy 2012!