Do you have multiple inner children?

I do, but it took them a while to appear. At first, when I was working with my therapist on issues from my childhood, she would ask, "How does your little girl feel about this?" I would get vague feelings of distress and maybe just a glimpse of a girl. It seemed like my inner child was always sad or scared.

After I paid attention to the sad little girl for some months, I met Good Girl. She was the one who always did what the parents wanted. She suppressed any memory of abuse and she was eager and cheerful, did well in school, and just acted painfully Good. She was frightened by my explorations of the abuse and wanted to scare me back to my not-knowing.

Slowly I found a Lost Girl and a Silent Girl, also, girls whose voices and emotions had been completely lost to me. They were mistrustful and it took a lot of patience to call them back and love them.

It seems these different inner children are unrecognized aspects of my young self, ways that I split off parts of myself because of the trauma. Finding them and loving them back into my life has been a joy was well as a lot of work.

Not everyone has multiple inner children. I'd be interested to hear from you about how it feels to you - you can write in Comments below.


ShazRon said...

Hi There,

I know I have two inner children. They appear to me in dreams. One is 2 years old and the other 4 years old. Both are boys ..... I'm not sure how that works as I am female.

I have been wondering for some time how to connect with them and love them back into harmony with myself.

Any Ideas?

Jane Rowan said...

I'm not surprised by your having boys inside--I have a very young boy in me, as well, so vulnerable.

I think it helps the most to have a therapist who likes to work with inner children--but I also wrote a little booklet at that talks about how to connect and heal. Articles on my website, as well. I wish you luck and healing.

Anonymous said...

After 40+ years, I finally uncovered an inner child for every single age from 3-yrs-old and on, even to age 40. I'm hazy on several of them, as they all made their identities known to me on the same night of major self-discovery and transformation. I'm trying to connect with each of them, but only 3 or 4 show up regularly. This has been quite a daunting, humbling, exhilerating, helpless, and divine experience. I feel both lost and guided, worthy and incapable, validated and uncertain. This is only the beginning of a long winding road to come, but at least I have traveling "partners". My inner children help ease the loneliness.

Maggie B said...

Hello, I just realized that I have two inner children. A boy and a girl, both about 3 yrs of age. They came to me in a dream that shook me to the core.

They were so neglected, so ill treated... The boy was in a diaper and a little blue jumper. He had not been washed or taken care of for a very long time, and had dirt, grime and feces all over his tiny body, even in his face... In the dream I was absolutely heartbroken to find this child and took care of him, washed him gently and put a soft healing salve on his diaper rashes. Then food and a clean bed.

When I had tucked him in I got a feeling that there were another child - who needed to be rescued. And I went to this house I used to live, in an found it strangely abandoned and derelict. I just knew that a child was in there. The pot plants had grown all over the place, like a jungle, a rain forest. As I entered I sensed a tiny little wild girl living there, hiding in the corner, looking at me from under a branch. Wild hair, just one eye peeping out, looking at me with suspicion. Like Mowgli, but nude. I knew I had to get her trust, and get her out of that horrid place. I felt as if somebody had died there. I just had to get her out.
there I woke up.
That dream was so vivid, and made me very upset. These two children resembled my own son and daughter and that filled me with such an agony, as my first fear was that I had neglected them in the most horrible way. I could not bear to work with the dream at first.
Then, after several days I thought of myself, suddenly reminded of that a dream mostly is about oneself, and the goings on inside.
Well, I´m still processing this.
Have talked to the children, kissed them and hugged them.
And the girl never leaves my lap.

thank you for reading this.
Maggie, age 57

Jane Rowan said...

Thank you for writing. That is a beautiful example of listening to your dreams and finding the wisdom in them. Good luck in your journey!

Anonymous said...

I have myself at 5, 9, 12, 14 and 17. They rock and they must feel safe in everything I do (I am 57). I am healing and maybe someday all my sisters and I will be one.

Jane Rowan said...

Thank you for commenting. I feel that need for safety, too, and rocking while holding a pillow is something I do often (at age 76, and after years of therapy). I am aware that these parts will always be with me and it's really OK for them to have needs and have a say in my day-to-day life as well as any big decisions I make. We're an inner family.
Yes, I believe that you and your sisters will be one, even though they may keep their individual voices and needs.

Anonymous said...

I have four inner children so far, maybe a few more will be recognized in the later stage of my healing. My inner children have their own names, own personalities. They are not conflicting with one another, but respectively works as dominating self under different circumstances. I realize the easiest way to connect to my inner children is to ask questions.As the healing work progress es, I can get more explicit answers from my inner children.

Jane Rowan said...

Thanks for your comments. It's so interesting to hear that you get more explicit answers as the healing progresses. Also you insight that these inner children can dominate or take over--for me that happens when they are upset about something. It's good to hear form you.