Healing is Not... Getting All the Memories Clear

I'm one of the people who remembered late in life. It was just a fragment but very clear: I was four and it hurt when I peed.

I wanted other memories to come. I was frantic to know what happened. I began to remember peculiar things about my family--my father's affairs and his temper, my mother's passivity and helplessness. I felt strange things in my body.

But I didn't get Kodak-sharp memories of what happened.

Gradually, I realized that I could heal without the memories. The important shifts were:
  • to believe myself and the little girl inside me who said "Listen! Something is wrong!"
  • to recognize the ways my birth family was untrustworthy and how they had slanted the truth.
  • to learn to trust my therapist and open up to love.
  • to build my own world.
It's only after all this loving hard work that I see clearly--getting clear memories was not the point. Healing was.


Celeste Rousseau said...

I agree . . . we heal because we know the truth. We are NOT perfect in our healing process, just much richer in spiritual sight.

Jane Rowan said...

Thanks, Celeste. Yes, we are richer in spiritual sight and in the communities we form and the light and love we carry in our hearts.