I think I’ve finally found the right title for my memoir. “Beyond Memory” describes the way that the abuse was hidden from me, buried in fragments in my childhood memories. I had a glimpse from when I was three and it hurt between my legs. Then I had other pieces of body-memories that came to me later. Most of the explicit details remained “beyond memory.”
“Beyond Memory” also indicates that the healing process was much more than the recovery of memories. That’s what I thought I needed, at the beginning. But what I really needed was to trust in the feeling-memories that I had and to trust the inner child who gave me those memories. I needed to learn to love and trust my therapist and thus heal the wounds of the betrayal by my father and mother. I needed to own and express the grief, anger, confusion, and hurt—and finally, the love that still remained.
Beyond Memory is now in the polishing-up stage and I’m looking for an agent.